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4th Recap n' Some Deep Reflection
Such a great 4th weekend on such a beautiful place. So peaceful. So much fun n' fellowship with three friends I don't get to see enough yet everytime we hang together, it's awesome. Their parent recently purchased a house on Lake Oconee. They let us use it for the extended weekend. I could so get use to living lakeside. But even with all this joy, there's so much sadness gathering in my heart. Tomorrow we all leave n' go our separate ways again. Tearing up thinking about it. More so cuz it's like the last times. After AC last year, my trips to SC n' OR this year, n' now this trip, I leave n' go back to what? The same ole aimlessness n' confusion of who I am n' what my life's meant for.

It's so damn stupid to feel this way. I'm so lucky in so many ways. That's the point though. I'm too sensitive to the suffering of others. I feel so much for folks, even those I haven't even met yet. You hear people say it all the time. Oh I want all the world to be at peace n' for nothing but good to come upon folks n' blah blah blah...but have most of them truly felt that way? I truly do n' I try my best to help but more oft than not, I fail miserably n' more hurt just comes because of it. Think the answer is clear though. I can't be an effective helper for anyone of late. I can't even help myself out of the downward spiraling pit of depression that I'm facing. I can't give up though. There most be some purpose for me out there. There has to be some plan. To some extent I must matter to this world, at least to a few folks in it.


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